If we are used to always making informal meals, it can be uncomfortable for us to attend a Christmas meal of a certain etiquette. It should be said that the discomfort in these events is usually the fault of the host or the place where it is held and rarely of the guest. The rules that govern dinners are usually very easy to follow due to their simplicity, but it doesn't hurt that we dust them off just in case.
As host
If you are going to receive guests at a formal dinner or gala, these are the basic rules:
- Cover the table with a full tablecloth, no placemats. It is convenient to place a thick fleece between the tablecloth and the table to give a feeling of comfort to the diners and to prevent the tablecloth from slipping.
- The napkin is always placed to the right of each diner and never with a napkin ring, no matter how elegant is.
- To the right of the diner the spoon or spoons are placed, as well as the knives. On the left the fork or fork. What if the diner is left-handed? Well, exactly the other way around. The dessert spoon and the fork for the same purpose are usually placed in front of the diner, parallel to him.
- The plates are placed in the order to be used: the deep plate on top, then the flat plate and finally the under plate. The dessert plate is usually placed at the time of going to use it, once we have cleaned the table of the remains of the previous dishes.
- The different meals are served directly from the table, not from the kitchen. So bring the platter to the table and serve each diner. Do not decide the portions: everyone knows their appetite but, yes, be fair in the distribution. The basic servings per person are:
Soup, consommé, cream: two ladles
Meat: single or loose piece not less than 100 grams (3.5 oz) nor more than 200 grams (7 oz)
Bird: thigh or breast
Seafood: half lobster, half a dozen large pieces (prawn, shrimp, oysters etc) and a dozen small pieces (mussels, clams in their shell etc).
- If any diner presents any particularity such as being the only vegetarian or suffering from some type of allergy or food intolerance, it is not advisable to make continuous comments about it - as if it were something strange - and much less make it a topic of general conversation. Food intolerances and allergies are becoming more frequent and although they are not something to be ashamed of, they can cause discomfort in the guest.
- In general, avoid topics of conversation that can be thorny or offensive and do like the English, who talk about the weather at all hours. So far the anticyclone in the Azores or the storm in Ireland have never unnerved anyone.
- The host or hosts are placed at the head of the table (and if it is a couple, facing each other) and then man-woman-man etc, ensuring that the pairs are not close. Sometimes it is convenient for the host to give up his position to other people, such as older or important guests.
- Despite what you hear out there, there is no fixed rule in the arrangement of the guests, it is up to the owner of the house. If there are children in the meal, it is preferable to sit them between the adults and always trying to have the father or mother right next to them. Sometimes all the children are seated at a separate table, perhaps accompanied by an adult.
- You can decorate the table with any decoration as long as it doesn't smell like anything. Choose unscented flowers, for example.
- In front of the cutlery on the right (that is, usually in front of spoons and knives) the glasses are placed. There are usually three or more, depending on the drinks to be served. The usual are water (large and with a wide base), wine (somewhat smaller, with a mouth sufficient for the diner to "put" his nose in it) and a tall and fine one for the cava. A small plate with the roll is placed in front of the cutlery on the left. If a guest is a teetotaler or does not want to drink alcohol, he leaves the glass of wine and champagne but they are not filled, obviously.
- Be natural. Nothing is more ridiculous than a host who splinters his tongue trying to pronounce the name of the French recipes he has prepared: he runs the risk of being constantly corrected by a guest who does know the language or being the object of indiscriminate laughter. All recipes are translatable to the language in which you feel most comfortable.
- Peace of mind: stressful hosts make guests uneasy. Dishes are served spaced out in time unless an event is starting right after the meal. Do like the French, that when you go to dinner at a bistro you know when to enter but never when to leave. They even take an hour to serve each dish since for them the event is dinner itself.
If you are a guest:
- If you are overwhelmed by the amount of spoons, forks, knives, and other strange silverware that the host has installed at your site, take it easy for yourself.Because the rule is always the same: cutlery is used from the outside in. If, for example, at the far right you find a kind of very long but thin fork, you probably need it to extract the meat from a sea shell, for example (which means that we should not touch the utensils on the left at the moment). I also warn you that some hosts take out of their wedding cutlery box some utensils that require six masters to handle. When in doubt, ask, it is not a reason to be ashamed not to know what some utensils are for.
- When starting to eat, the napkin should be unfolded, placing it on your lap. Before taking the glass to your mouth it is necessary to clean yourself since it is impolite to leave the mark of the lips on the glass.
- Eating with your hands is as inappropriate as using cutlery with delicacies that do not need it. Seafood, chicken, asparagus etc can be eaten with your hands.
- You start eating when everyone at the table is served.
- When in doubt, follow the host's instructions. Do not hesitate to ask "how to eat" when you are in front of a dish or food of which you do not even know how to attack it. If you have never eaten an uncommon food, the logical thing is to ask.
- If you are next to a very talkative diner, the right thing to do is to talk with him or her before and after each dish, although it is true that posh meals are often characterized by mere means of socializing and where the food is enjoyed very little. For this reason, the conversation of the tables is usually led by the host and thus unloading the task to her guests. At least in part.
- This that I have commented to you serves practically for any table of etiquette, the King or a working family sits on it. In both cases, common sense generally rules. Easy, isn't?
